Merry Christmas

Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas!!!

I'm probably writing to a blank audience since it's been so long! However, I'll give you a quick update regardless.

First, my mom. She had had a mastectomy and her lymph nodes removed. She had her first round of chemotherapy on December 6th, had her second one on December 20th and is doing OK! She usually gets to feeling pretty crummy about 24 hours after the chemo and it lasts for about another 48 hours. It's pretty weird to see her not at 100% - but we definitely feel she's handling it better than some.

As for other things, Lyndon started a new job this past Monday. He left his position at as a Quality Assurance Lab Tech for an aviation company to go to work for the FAA as a Management and Program Analyst the Air Traffic Organization. It is such a wonderful opportunity for him and he gets back his 11 years he had while in the Navy! We are so very thankful this has happened! He still has the dreaded commute up to Renton but it is working for now!

I ran my first 1/2 marathon on my 34th Birthday! That was hard!!! I trained for it since about mid-September and probably could've used a little more training but I finished and was pleased that I did it!

I took a break from teaching Zumba when I found out about my mom - and am glad I did. It gave me one thing less to worry about so I could focus strictly on family outside of my day job. I am starting another class though in January and am looking forward to it.....I've missed it!

The kids are doing great. Sydney is doing wonderfully during her first year of Kindergarten. She is in the beginning stages of reading and just loves recess. So would I! She really enjoys her friends and the rings....

Isaac is quite the little man at daycare. He always gives every single classmate a hug before he leaves. What a love.

We are looking forward to a New Year for sure! By the end of December, we've had our fill of food and parties and are ready for a slower January!

One More Thing

The bone scan came back good!!!

Surgery Wednesday and more.....

Update on Mom:

Wednesday Mom is having a second surgery. This time to remove her lymph nodes. It will be an outpatient surgery but we're told this one could be a more difficult recovery - the pain under her arm and then the concern of lymphedema which can be managed. On Thursday she had a bone scan and on Friday, a PET scan. We learned early yesterday that the PET scan showed her organs looked good. YEAH! We were very concerned that because the cancer had spread to her lymph nodes, it could have possibly spread to her organs. We have yet to receive the results of the bone scan. Keep sending the positive thoughts and prayers!

About three weeks after surgery, she will start chemo. For two months she will have Adriamycin and Cytoxan (AC) - which is very strong. The doctor told her it is during this time she should expect to lose her hair. After the AC, she'll move to Taxol for three months.

We are not sure what to expect as all patients respond differently to the treatments so we are just going to wait and see. However we are encouraged knowing how healthy and strong my mom is. She will get through this and it will be a good feeling when she is actually actively fighting this disease.

In other news.....my dear cousin Kari, lost her husband Mark this morning suddenly. He was just 46 and together they have a daughter, Chandler. Please keep them in your prayers. We stopped and saw them this afternoon and as Kari said, it just seems so surreal.

Our lives: We are spending as much time with mom as possible these days. The 1.5 hour drive between is really hard - I would prefer to see her daily. When I see her, laughing, enjoying the kids, playing with them, living a relatively normal life, it's really reassuring.

Sydney is in full swing at Kindergarten. She loves her teacher, is making friends and recently lost her first tooth! We are so proud of her as she is such a sharp girl who is starting to learn to read. We just love building these awesome family memories.

Isaac had an appointment a couple of weeks ago and he is doing very well. His face is looking better and better. Although his smile is not being lifted by his cheek, it is very obvious the surgery has worked as when he smiles, there are dimples all around his mouth. There is noticeably more tone on the left side of his face so it's more symmetrical - it had really been drooping much more before all of this.

One of his doctors talked about a procedure we may want to consider in the future for him. It is a bone anchored hearing aid. It would require two surgeries but would restore the hearing in his left ear. However it's not quite your normal hearing aid, it would be a small box placed a bit behind his ear. Here's a picture.......


Hoping they come up with something else in the next few years!!! The FDA hasn't approved this surgery until a patient is 5 so we have a couple of years. In the meantime, Isaac's hearing loss causes him to scream practically everything. Although we think that could be coupled with the fact that he's a very active 3 year old boy!

We are enjoying the season. Fall is my favorite. I love fall decorating, pumpkin smelling candles and crisp, cool days!

Update

Mom's surgery went well on Tuesday. They started about 7:30 a.m. and were done about 10:30 a.m. My dad was waiting and the doctor came out and told him that the sentinel node they biopsied did not show the tumor had metastasized. Great news! The sentinel nodes are where the first place the cancer would go when it starts to spread. He did say that there was one more final pathology report that would be more in depth that they needed to see the results of but that things were looking good at that point.

Unfortunately the final pathology report came back and showed that the cancer has spread to 2 of the 3 sentinel nodes. This is not good news. What this means is mom needs to have a second surgery - preliminarily the doctor thought the week of October 11th. He'll be removing her lymph nodes in her armpit. We understand this to be a much more painful surgery than the mastectomy - but it has to be done.

We are also possibly expecting that they will be doing a pet scan to see if and where the cancer has spread in her body. It is possible it's just made it to the nodes and hasn't metastasized to any other organs. That is our hope.

This roller coaster ride of news we've been riding is really horrible. The peaks and valleys bring such emotion it's really hard. We are clinging to good news and feel abused by the bad. So today is a bad day as we just were told yesterday afternoon by my mom that the news has turned south again. It's just rotten. But we have to remain hopeful - and people beat this! My mom is incredibly strong and if anyone can fight like hell, she can.

My aunt Kathie (her sister) flew out from NYC on Tuesday and is staying until Sunday October 10th so it's nice my mom has her company, help and support. Please keep my mom and our family in your thoughts and prayers!

My Mom

Please keep my mom, Gretchen, in your prayers. She has been diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer and is undergoing a mastectomy tomorrow. We have known for a couple of weeks now. She has not been told what stage she is at - they are waiting to get in and look around some more. It appears the tumor is small. The other crucial piece is doctors are still unsure as to if it has or hasn't metastasized. More to come but our family is definitely in need of prayers and support.

Sydney's Question.....

I took Sydney with me to the dry cleaner where they had a bowl of candy. She pulled out a tootsie roll and asked the clerk what it was. The gal told her it was a tootsie roll.....she had a little bit of an accent. Sydney asked her if the "toot"sie roll would make her toot. Hilarious!

Crazy Busy

Life has been crazy lately! Weekdays and weekends!

This past weekend we were in Silvana, WA at my mom's sides family reunion. We went up on Friday night and spent the night before. My cousin Joel and his family have a beautiful home on beautiful property up there and we intended on camping outdoors. Well it was really cold that night so we decided to set up camp in the dining room which worked perfectly. As is always the case withthe "Edmonds" family (my mom's maiden name coincidentally), it's all about the food. Well we always joke that the topics always hit are food, politics and religion. Hot topics! Anyway, the meal being served at 1pm the next day means that the briskets went on the smoker at midnight, the full pig at 3am and the brined turkeys at 9am. All this means that someone has to be up with the smoker starting at midnight.....so the fellas take shifts. Luckily Lyndon was the odd man out of taking a shift but my cousins all took turns staying up with the meat. We had my aunt and uncle in from NYC, aunts and uncles in from Portland and then from all over the puget sound area. My mom is one of 6 so there are a lot of us! It was a great day!

We spent that night at my mom's and the next day were able to spend some more QT with my relatives from NYC and others.....

I can't remember if I blogged about it earlier (probably have) but Lyndon is going to school to get his Bachelors. So proud of him (now remembering I've blogged about this before). Although completely worth it, it's made our lives just that much more crazy. He currently has class on Mondays and Wednesday nights from 5 to 8pm in Renton - so single mom nights! But of course it will be totally worth it.....those pieces of paper although so much work to obtain, can really pay off. At least that's what we're hoping!

Monday and Tuesday were relatively uneventful and here we are and it's Wednesday. Oddly enough I feel so stressed out with things to do but yet here I am. Interesting. Oh well.....tonight I taught Zumba which was fun - and my class has been growing during the summer which is superb!

Tonight was the start of busy/craziness with my life as a "single" mom and then tomorrow night I'm making the trek to Seattle for a good girlfriends baby shower (Annie) and Friday we are going to a fundraiser/gala for the Olympia Children's Museum and then we're having a BD party for Isaac on Saturday. Phew. Just thinking about the next few days makes my heart race and my blood pressure raise! Yet they are all fun events so I'm just managing the chaos and weathering the storm with a smile!

We discussed today where we were a year ago and remember the days - that seemed like years.....literally. I often describe the period of when Isaac came out of the coma to when he was discharged was like living the first two years of his life on fast forward. When he came out of his coma it was like he was an infant. He couldn't focus, didn't recognize our voices, had a very blank look, then started focusing, then started smiling, then a word, or two or three, then managing his balance, sitting up, being spoon fed, playing while sitting, trying to stand, then walking and talking. All this in less than two weeks. It was crazy!

We are doing well and just chugging along. Wanted to share what's been going on because it truly is always eventful! These pics are from a recent camping trip in Sunlakes with our dear friends The Carter's. It was so hot and so much fun. We love being boat owners! Here are some pics!

Another trip to the Fire Station!

No pictures this time but Lyndon and the kids went back to the fire station today because the medic yesterday said the other two paramedics who responded would be there.

Again, they totally remembered him. A gal and a guy. I wish I knew their names. Darn it....but we'll be back again soon. Isaac feels at home there.

But anyway, it was a similar visit to yesterdays - both paramedics remembered him. They remembered everything! We were told that Isaac remained in the ambulance for so long after we arrived at the Olympia airport because he was having continuous seizures. Apparently, after they put him in the ambulance, he would seize, then recover, then seize, then recover........and it continued......which makes a lot of sens of sense to me because when I was riding in the ambulance to the airport, I would hear Isaac cry and I would constantly cry out to him while he was crying. And then he would go quiet and I could hear them say "Isaac, Isaac, buddy, buddy, come on. Wake up. Stay with me". I'm sure it sounds silly to you but it is a vivid memory for me. At the time I had no idea what was happening but now I know.

Another amazing day.

And in other news.....Isaac is potty trained! Pre-3 - which is great! We're happy and he loves to pee and poop all over. Kidding. Kind of. He usually does it in the toilet but when we're in the great outdoors (camping)....it's game on!

A Year Later

Today marks one year since the horrific accident that almost took our son's life. And after we learned his life would be spared, we were prepared to have our hands full with a very mentally handicapped little boy. But here we are and we are so thankful.

Today was hard. Harder than I expected. I contemplated taking a mental health day but I am slammed at work so I decided I couldn't take the day off. But really I just wanted to hold my baby (who's not so much a baby anymore). As I read the first post and the ones after, I remembered how hard it was to not be able to hold Isaac for the first four days he was in the hospital. In fact at first they didn't want us to touch him - to keep the stimulation to a minimum. Man did it feel amazing when I was able to hold him again.

The feelings of a year ago kept coming back today as time ticked on. First the 9 o'clock hour rolled by - and I got the call from my friend somewhere in that first hour. Then in the 10 o'clock hour I had rushed to her house, hopped in the ambulance and made way to the Olympia airport. There, I waited and waited and waited for them to bring Isaac out and put him on the helicopter - just to give him a kiss before he got on. Then my friend drove me up to Mary Bridge where I met Lyndon and some friends, then my mom and Justin came but my dad was in Alaska already trying to hop a flight back. And then the news just got worse and worse. First the swollen brain, then the puncture lung, the fractures, the imminent brain damage. All between noon and about 3pm. Lyndon and I stepped out for a breath of fresh air in the stifling heat and we held our heads and cried. We didn't understand what had just happened or why. And today I remembered a complete stranger that approached us and asked if he could wrap his arms around us and we prayed. More friends kept pouring into offer their love and support that afternoon/evening. Wow....we are blessed.

So when I thought about mourning today, my friend pointed out it's a time to look forward and not back and that is how I picked myself up from the dumps I found myself in as the day wore on.

Lyndon picked Isaac up early from school today and took him to the park to play. Then when I got off work, we decided to head to the fire station that responded to the 911 call and see if any of the medics that responded were there. And one was! He remembered everything about that day. They were at the station when they got the call and he said that while they were working on him, he was seizing (I did not know this). He described some of what they were doing in the ambulance for so long. I had wondered all along if perhaps they had lost him for a bit in there but he said no. His heart had never stopped beating. They were so pleased we came by and showed him everything on that fire engine (the ambulance was gone). The kids both thoroughly enjoyed their time and I'm so glad we did it!

Here are a few pictures from the visit.

All in all, I'm glad this day is over and we will continue to look forward!

Memory Lane

It is the beginning of the week that Isaac was injured and we're trying to decide what to do to celebrate Isaac's life. The anxiety has been building as this day approaches. As we remember, here's a link to the first blog after Isaac's accident:

http://linvillefamilyfour.blogspot.com/2009/08/our-baby-boy.html

Dimples

The dimples on the left side of Isaac's face have started to appear. The one big dimple in his cheek is pretty much permanently there and around his mouth, there is some involuntary dimpling as well.

I called the doctor and they want to see him.....but can't get him in until October. Which really is OK. Hopefully there will be more happening! There is no sign that the muscle in his cheek is working yet but we are optimistic! At least this seems to be a sign that the graft worked. The muscle seems to be a separate issue.

I hate that I don't keep up with the blog much anymore. Life has been very busy for us. Lyndon is in school full time, works full time and commutes an hour each way (getting really old!) and between working, spending QT with the kids and trying to take care of myself, there seems to be little time left at the end of the day!

Love and Loss

A friend of a friend here in Olympia has suffered a horrible, tragic loss. It's gripping me in ways I never imagined. Amanda is a good friend of my friend, Brooke. Although I have only met her once, I gathered from that meeting that she was a sweet, good person and above all, an amazing mom.

On Sunday, her middle daughter, Charley (6), was suffering from a fever and temperature. Thinking it was a flu or bug, they treated her with OTC medicines until she it seemed to be possibly something more and they took to to the ER. The ER recommended she see a specialist at Mary Bridge and they drove her there where at that moment, she went into septic shock. All of her organs began to fail and within hours, they lost their dear, sweet, beautiful daughter.

It hits close to home as a mother more than anything. I cannot imagine the pain she is feeling. Please keep the Beers family in your thoughts and prayers. If you are on facebook, search "Charley Beers - we love you!"

Toothpaste

Sydney just brought me my tube of toothpaste (Colgate) and said: "Here mom, you should use this every day. It fights germs for twelve hours."

Bwahahaha

Is Summer Finally Here??

What's with all the rain?? Not going to lie . . . we've asked ourselves numerous times lately "Why did we move back from Florida?" The weather sure can be a downer! But yesterday - finally warm and sunshine!

Sydney is now fully registered for full day kindergarten. We had a sneak peek at what things are going to be like and she is SO excited! She's been growing leaps and bounds as of late . . . both physically and mentally. She is the tallest in her class which is no wonder giving the height on both sides of Lyndon's and my families. Her thoughts crack us up daily.

Isaac is doing wonderfully. He's being tested by his speech therapist to see if therapy is even necessary at this point. He is really doing well shaping his mouth around his vowels although I think he's going to struggle a little with a lisp as a result of his paralysis. Nothing we can't work through I'm sure and it's super cute at this point!

We are still looking for any signs of movement on the left side of his face but it's still early yet. The doctor's said it would be at least six months and we're just at three and a half.

We always make the most of our weekends, have been camping a couple of times already and are always finding something fun to do! Memorial Day weekend we went to Willapa Bay with my parents. Luckily we rented a small trailer because it was a rain out weekend! However we made the most of the dry times and hit the beach two mornings to rake for steamer clams. We all maxed out and enjoyed delicious clams for dinner!

Last Saturday Lyndon and a few of his buddies headed out to Gray's Harbor for some crabbing. It wasn't extra plentiful but they caught eight.....enough for everyone to eat that night! His buddies and their wives all came to our house that night for some delicious BBQ'd Copper River Salmon, steamed clams, dungeness crab and hop skip and go naked's (my mom's yummy drink recipe). It was a fun evening.

Yesterday we took advantage of the warm sunshine and headed out on the boat. We had a great time, tried a little fishing and just soaked up some sun. We may be going out today as well. We will see!

Just pics

Apparently I'm in the blogging mood lately.....

Another One....

I had a rough day today. In every way I had a hard time seeing the good in things. Don't have those days often but sometimes the walls just come tumbling down. So I was sad when I got home - pretty much fell apart when I walked in the door and all in front of the kids. Not good! I'm better now and here's part of the reason why.....

Sydney: "Mommy, why are you so sad?"

Mom: "I just had a bad day."

Sydney: "Oh, it's OK mom, don't cry. Here, let me pour you a nice warm glass of wine and it'll make it all better"

P.S. Don't judge!!!!!

I don't know

This afternoon the kids and I were outside. I was pulling weeds and they were playing. A month or so ago we planted some vegetables in our yard but some (maybe most) aren't doing so well. I don't really know what I'm supposed to do with them and actually my mom planted them. So Sydney said "Oh no Mom, the vegetables are dying. Why did God make them die?"

Sometimes the questions can be so off the wall, take me completely off guard and I have no idea how to answer them. Just sometimes.

Some memorable pictures

Where does time go

It's May!!! May!!!! I just can't believe it. Our spring has been busy so I'm not even sure where to start. I'll give it a go:

** Sydney's registered for Kindergarten! Can't believe it. She's very excited and although we didn't get a full day slot as we had hoped (lottery system) she'll still be a.m. kindergarten and in before and after school care where she's been going.

** Isaac is awesome. Pretty much sums it up. He's a talking machine and although we're still struggling through night time, he's doing very well overall. He's begun the potty training process and we're quite excited about that but still in no rush. Sydney was such a challenge and it totally stressed me out. Right now there's no reason to rush him (besides saving oodles on diapers) so we'll see how it goes.

** The camping season has begun! Last week we went to Ocean City with our friends The La Fave's, and had such an awesome time. They have a pop-up tent trailer and we used our tent. It was typical Washington camping - some rain, some sun, clouds....a mixed bag but it was still great. The kids had a fabulous time and our friends have kids the same age so it was pure fun! While we were there, we went razor clamming for the first time. That was an adventure and not as easy as it looks! We caught the low tide around 8:00 a.m. and it was crazy! The coast was lined with people - for as far as the eyes could see. Wall to wall people. When you got out there, you had space but it was nuts to see upon arrival. And all the cars driving on the beach (didn't know that was legal), was crazy! So we just tried to find the holes of clams and dig. We were pretty unsuccessful. I caught two thanks to the help of some older clamming veterans. The boys caught none (***slightly bragging). So we were not too happy - max was 15 and other folks were quite successful. The next morning though, was better! The boys went out first and Lyndon had some success, then I came and with the help of some more clamming veterans, came away with a few and then Lyndon and Brian hit the mother load. It was awesome. So 20 caught between the three of us. I made clam linguine and fried up some fritters. Good stuff! Looking forward to more camping this summer!

** Lyndon's going to get his bachelor's degree. He's registered to start in June at Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University and is pursuing a degree in Professional Aeronautics. So proud of him!!!

** We celebrated my Dad's 65th Birthday. We went out to Seabrook, WA and it was so nice. Anyone who hasn't been there, must go! A nice vacation resort, home rental community that is a great getaway. I went back in December with some girlfriends....highly recommend it for a family reunion type of thing or a weekend away with another family/families or some girlfriends!

** I have a Zumba gig! I'm teaching Friday nights at 5:30 p.m. at The Valley Athletic Club. Having a great time and although occasionally I want to be rushing into my weekend on Friday afternoons/evenings, love the members who come and end up leaving feeling so fulfilled and happy I have the opportunity to do what I really enjoy! For those who don't know what Zumba is.....it's a fusion of Latin and International music that gives you a GREAT workout! Some dances we do....merengue, salsa, reggaeton, calypso and some hip hop. You dance, have fun and at the end of the class you realize you just had a great workout!

We will be spending Mother's Day with my mom! Heading up to Edmonds Saturday night and looking forward to celebrating the wonderful woman who raised me and my brother. For those who don't know my family, my mom is simply amazing. She has been such a role model to me as a mother, friend and wife and I absolutely adore her. Although she is my mother, she is most definitely my friend and I feel so blessed to be her daughter.

Sorry there are no pics....I will try to post some very soon!!! They are on another computer.....so it may happen tonight......check back!
To all you Mommy's out there, Happy Mother's Day!!!

Rough Week

What a rough week! I had Monday off because Isaac's post-op appointment occurred that day (which I will address in a future post). But it's Friday night and I just feel defeated, worn out and unsettled.

Maybe some of you mom's who work can understand the torn feelings. I love being with my kids. I don't always feel like I'm the best person for the job and some of my stay-at-home mom friends feel the same way. But because of decisions we've made, here we are. Quite honestly, things changed when Isaac was injured as far as my working was concerned. I don't want to leave this child's side. But isn't that what life is all about? Leaving your child's side? Giving them their own independence? Wait. Stop. But these are the GOLDEN YEARS. Laying down the foundation for your children, who they're going to be, etc. I get it!

But here I am and so I do.

I returned to work on Tuesday and it was hard. Setting the alarm for 5:30 A.M., getting the kids dressed, separating at daycare....all so hard. Then I get to work and I forget how much of my brain my job required. I'm an accountant, I have to think all day long, produce reports and process information all day long. It's draining. Can't I go back to the kid level again?......

So I'm struggling to get back into the groove and it's hard, but possible. So I start grooving. Grooving is second nature to me.

Thursday rolls around and it screws everything up. My boss gets let go. It's done in a bizarre fashion with security and us being hid in a meeting and everything. It is surreal. And it takes a lot to process, figuring out the plan in a state of shock, planning for the future. But the day goes on.....

Friday rolls around and not so good. I'm sad for my boss. I'm sad because I really liked her and for lots of reasons. No one is perfect but she was really great. And genuinely I would love to have this woman as my friend. So it sucked.

But tonight was awesome. We went to a friends house with another couple, kids all the same age, had great conversation and the kids had a great time. So now it's time to unwind, regroup, and live in the moment.

Although this week has been tough, it seems like a daily ritual. Unwind, regroup, and live in the moment.

Sleep Issues

Oh man. We are so tired....

Isaac has been a pretty rotten sleeper his entire life but since his accident, things have gone far south and they were kind of improving but the surgery has put us back to stage one!

After the accident, one of the first things the psychologists told us that parents came to regret were the post-accident sleep issues. Having such a traumatic incident made it easy for parents to become lax on the whole sleeping in your own bed thing with your child. Immediately after returning home, falling asleep became much worse so the neurologist prescribed melatonin - a natural aide to help kids/people calm down for a restful nights sleep. It worked to get him down easily but didn't help at all with sleeping through the night.

The rule at our house has been to always start in your own bed....and if they wake up, then fine....snuggle up. That was working alright for us we thought, but honestly we aren't getting restful nights of sleep. We work so hard to get Isaac just to fall asleep in his own bed. Like it takes an hour. We read a book then rub his back, or hold his hand or cuddle as much as we can and if he falls asleep, then great. However an hour or two later, he's up again and we put him back and try to get him to sleep and we repeat the whole rub his bad, hold his hand or cuddle thing.

Well, after the accident, things changed....obviously. Hearing Isaac cry has taken on a whole new meaning. We simply can't do it. Can't let him wail in his bedroom. We have tried everything and we do what we can to survive. The whole tough love thing just doesn't fly here anymore. Anyone ever read Baby Wise??? I did. It worked with the first, but not the second. So we adapt. We do what we feel most comfortable with.

Since the accident he definitely has not gone a full night in his own bed. And lately, Sydney's an issue too. She wakes up and comes in bed. I work full time and waking up and dealing with their sleep issues truly makes me so tired the next day. So I've been scooting over and making room in our king size bed. But it's wearing on me. There's not enough room and I know it's best for us all to get a good nights sleep in our own bed. But Isaac just will not sleep. He wakes up multiple times during the night if he's in his own bed but if he's in our bed, it's less work. Selfish...I know.

So now we're figuring out that something has to be done. What, I don't know. We have a king size bed so can't go up there, crying out just isn't an option for us. Maybe it's medical? Do they make an ambien for kids? Well we're going to have to find out for sure!! I hate to do it medically and of course we'll see what the doctors say but if anyone has any advice....I'm all ears!

Muscle Atrophy

Today was our first "normal" day with Lyndon being back to work, Sydney going to school and Isaac and I home together. It went pretty well but Isaac seems to be in a bit of pain. He has this new very sad cry that makes me want to cry. He doesn't tell me that he hurts and actually says no when I ask if he's in pain but his cry just sounds like he's so very sad - like frustrated and upset and everything wrapped into this whimper.

Tonight I'm trying to google to find out how long it takes for a muscle to die and I'm having a heck of a time! Finding the right word combo can be so frustrating. "Facial paralysis muscle atrophy", "Facial paralysis muscle died". I just want to be very prepared and educated for our post-op visit to understand everything a little bit better.

I think I may be giving up soon and heading for bed!

There's a Tear in my Beer

Pity party officially over! Isaac and I are going to have a chill day at home. Hopefully I can prevent him from hurting his fragile little cheeks. That's my job for the next two weeks!

What did I do?

I'm sorry for posting again....but I just can't help but think. What did I do? Continuing my pity party....

What did I do???????

Why am I being dealt these cards? I am going back in my life, in my teens...when we all did stupid stuff. When I was not nice to certain people, when I did those bad things that teens sometimes do, when I was mean to my parents, a jerk to my brother, broke a boyfriends heart, etc. Apparently all those things are coming back to me now.

I have realized and acknowledged all these things earlier but I have been such a good person in my adult years. I love. I love those around me, thought of all those who have I have wronged and those who have wronged me as growing experiences and regret but correct those actions. Yet I apparently will be penalized. How do I not think like this???

Syd

Not to forget about our dear little princess. Today she attended a friends BD party....she's so grown up. Here's a pic of she and two of her good girlfriends from school, Samantha and Zoey. Happy Birthday Zoey!

Pics

Pre-op...had no clue what was about to happen

Post-op oatmeal with grandpa

So it goes

Not really enjoying much about life today and I just have all these questions. Hundreds of questions....like why didn't we push to do this surgery sooner if the muscle dying was an issue, why didn't they notice the lack of muscle when they stimulated his nerve a month ago, why didn't they just grab the muscle and continue with the surgery yesterday?

Trying so hard to be happy and grateful for what we have but am still just so discouraged and in the why me/pity party stage. Isn't that horrible? It's like the USA men's hockey team today. They did awesome...silver - but still, they looked so bummed today when receiving their medals. How ungrateful. That's how I feel.

We came home yesterday (Saturday) so just one night in the hospital because Isaac progressed so well yesterday. Walking, talking, eating, etc. So it is definitely nice to be in the comfort of our own home.

Lyndon goes to work tomorrow and I will be home with Isaac. His incisions are still bloody and we can't give him a wash yet for a couple of days. He's got his energy back but is limping due to the leg incisions and his face is really swollen (think chipmunk). Actually, I'll probably post some pictures as soon as I can.

Discouraged

We were called about 7pm and were told the surgery was finished. The surgeons came in and reported that he did very well.....however......when they went to stimulate the nerves before connecting to them, they could not get a response from his muscles. What this means is that it is possible that the muscles in his face have already died - which once dead, they will not come back. If this is truly the case then the graft they did today will not have an impact on the paralysis. In order for it to have an impact, they would need to go back in, take a muscle from his leg and put in his face/cheek. If they need to replace the muscle, this is something they would do approximately when he turns 5 years old.

Due to the lack of response in the muscle, they did not stick to the original plan (which was to attach the grafted nerve to as many branches as possible), they just attached it to the middle trunk. This trunk would enable him to blink, move his cheek and smile but will not allow his brow to move or his lower lip.

However, they did mention that children are resilient and often miraculous (as we can attest to). So even though the muscle appears to have died, we were told by the surgeons they are optimistic.

Recovery was pretty rough as he's vomited a few times and was very upset when he first woke up. He's now resting comfortably thanks to a good dose of morphine.

So as we are most definitely discouraged, we remind ourselves where we were six months ago, how lucky we are to have our sweet boy and that there is still hope for improvement.

We plan on being here for two to three days and I will update again tomorrow.

Today's the Day

We are on our way to Seattle for the big operation! It has been so different to be able to prepare emotionally for this. Obviously it is much less traumatic - thank goodness! We are so positive that everything will go well today but we will not be seeing results for 6 months to 2 years....so it will be hard to wait! As I understand it, all, some, or none of these nerve connections can work. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst type of thing.

At his pre-op appointment on Monday, we were told the surgery will last approximately 4 hours. It starts at noon. Which means he hasn't been able to eat all morning. We thought this was going to be a huge challenge but it actually hasn't been that bad!

So we anticipate to get small updates while the surgery is going on, then once he's recovered from the anestesia we will be able to see him and be transferred to a regular room.

My parents, brother and a couple friends will be with us at various times throughout the day and my Unce Richard will be meeting us there to pray before he goes back. We are so very grateful for the love and support we have - knowing so many are keeping us in their thoughts and prayers today is truly a source of strength for us!

Will keep you posted!

Cross Facial Nerve Graft Surgery...February 26th

It has been awhile since I've blogged about Isaac's recovery and where we go from here. At the end of January, we had three tests done at Children's Hospital in Seattle. We had a consultation there in December with the Craniofacial clinic - specifically with facial reanimation surgeons who specialize in things such as permanent facial paralysis. They ordered these tests which included a BEARS hearing test to determine Isaac's current hearing situation in his left ear, an EMG which shocked the facial nerves to see if a really strong shock would be felt by his brain and another MRI to attempt to get a better look at one of the fractures that they believe would've severed his facial nerves.

Immediately we got results from the audiologist that Isaac's hearing has declined since tests were last run in September and they have determined that his hearing has almost been completely lost in that left ear. The results of the other two tests, we had to wait a week to hear the results of those but as a result of the hearing results were prepared for the worst....thank goodness (usually I'm a glass half-full kinda gal).

We had a followup appointment with them and they determined as a result of those tests that the probability that the nerve was in fact severed by that fracture was nearly certain. The EMG showed that his brain did not react to any of the very strong shocks they imposed on the nerve. And although the MRI proved difficult to read, it showed the fracture of the skull near where the cochlea is (where the hearing, facial nerves and balance nerves run through) was in fact severed. Severed nerves do not repair themselves.

P.S. I know you shouldn't start sentences with "and" but it works for me....

So in the same appointment, we met with a facial reanimation surgeon and a micro-surgeon and they both recommend Isaac have a cross-facial nerve graft. We believe that given the result of tests, this is the best option we have for Isaac to regain full control again of the left side of his face.

What they will do in this surgery is actually take a nerve from his leg - a nerve that gives feeling to the outside of one of his feet - they will take it and make incisions on both sides of his face. They will use that nerve to connect the right side nerves of his face (the good side) to the left side of his face. This would mean that the right side would control the left side.

Some detailed information to exactly what the lack of the facial nerve inhibits....

* Isaac's brow does not furrow.
* Isaac's eye will not blink.
* Isaac's nose does not crinkle.
* Isaac cannot smile on the left side of his face.

As you can see in the image below, the left eye always remains wide open and his lips on the left side can not curve into a smile, which as you will see, results in a droop.

A successful surgery will mean he regains full function on the entire left side of his face but it will mimic his right....so no winking (who cares). He will smile and most importantly blink his eye. Right now because his lid does not fully close we have to continually put false tear drops in it and a lubricant at night. He does not sleep with one eye open as gravity pulls it down but more often than not, it does not fully close.

Of course there are risks associated with the surgery and we will be fully aware of those risks very soon. As I understand via research we have done online and what the surgeons have told us thus far, he could suffer dyskenesis or synkenesis which is where all the fibres fire at once so that indivual control of mouth, eyes, forehead etc. can be difficult but could be altered with physical therapy. Another risk could be that movement of the "good/right" side could be impacted.

However, we are focusing on the positive which is that in this situation, there are potential solutions to his current medical condition.

His cross-facial nerve graft surgery is scheduled for February 26th. Results of the surgery may not be known until as early as 6 months and as late as 2 years. However, we are just so thankful that there is something that can be done. The surgeons were anxious to schedule for as soon as possible as results are best as close to the accident as possible.

We of course, are hoping for an amazing outcome. Below you will see a facial nerve graft image. It shows the track of the nerves and how they will be connected (through lifting of his face and under his nose). This is a very serious surgery and we appreciate prayers and well wishes for the success of this surgery and the swift recovery of our sweet boy.

Countries We've Visited

As we're watching the Winter Olympics opening ceremonies, Lyndon and I are counting the number of countries we've visited. Individually, Lyndon has been to 23 countries and I have been to 17 countries. As he says, Thank you US Navy...and I say thank you mom and dad, plus a cushy job as an au pair in Germany. Between the two of us, we have visited the following countries:

1) Scotland, 2) Ireland, 3) England, 4) Canada, 5) Japan, 6) South Korea, 7) Thailand, 8) Philippines, 9) Singapore, 10) Qatar, 11) Oman, 12) Bahrain, 13) Iraq, 14) Afghanastan, 15) Pakistan, 16) Portugal, 17) Greece, 18) Italy, 19) Spain, 20) UAE, 21) Egypt, 22) Mexico, 23) Cyprus, 24) France, 25) Germany, 26) Denmark, 27) Belgium, 28) Holland, 29) Hungry, 30) Liechtenstein, 31) Switzerland, 32) Austria, 33) Czech Republic

Sydney is 5 today!

Happy Birthday to my dear, sweet Sydney! I am so proud to call her my daughter. Sydney is so caring and polite and has a love for all things princess. We will be celebrating by going out to dinner tonight with my folks and brother, then on Sunday she is having a Dancing Princesses party at a dance studio in town . How quickly five years flies by!

Working on it!

So my new side job....Zumba instructor. I took the certification course back in 2008 when we were living in Florida and have done nothing with it...until now. Both potential teaching jobs sort of fell into my lap. The Valley (where I workout) is just getting a program started and is looking to add instructors....hello! Additionally, at my work we have a wellness program that usually offers just yoga courses but wants to add some Zumba. Luckily I'm good friends with the wellness director - that helped.

It will be nice to get a little extra money while working out. As usual, my New Year's resolution is to drop a few (or 40) pounds. One step closer!

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year! We're quite relieved to be done with 2009. It was quite a difficult year for us - but as my brother pointed out, the bonds with friends and family grew so much stronger and we learned what is really important in life.

The holidays found us busy busy! We hosted a fun Christmas party that brought everyone together dressed to the 9's...


We had my family down for Christmas Eve and Lyndon's family plus my aunt Barb and uncle Ken for Christmas day festivities....

Although December was so fun and exciting, we are somewhat relieved the month has ended and the new year has begun!

We look forward to seeing what the doctors say about Isaac's face. He was to have had tests on Monday the 28th but because he had a pretty raspy cough and the tests require him to be under general anesthesia, we had to reschedule for January 25th.

Yesterday we took the kids up to Snoqualmie Pass for some sledding. It was loads of fun!


We are excited to see what January brings. Our good friends Olivia and Tim are expecting their second boy and our Sydney is turning 5!! Can't believe how time flies. Last night we were just viewing home videos from when Sydney was so little. I can't imagine what it will be like to look at these videos in 10, 15 years!

We hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!! Many blessings!