Rough Week

What a rough week! I had Monday off because Isaac's post-op appointment occurred that day (which I will address in a future post). But it's Friday night and I just feel defeated, worn out and unsettled.

Maybe some of you mom's who work can understand the torn feelings. I love being with my kids. I don't always feel like I'm the best person for the job and some of my stay-at-home mom friends feel the same way. But because of decisions we've made, here we are. Quite honestly, things changed when Isaac was injured as far as my working was concerned. I don't want to leave this child's side. But isn't that what life is all about? Leaving your child's side? Giving them their own independence? Wait. Stop. But these are the GOLDEN YEARS. Laying down the foundation for your children, who they're going to be, etc. I get it!

But here I am and so I do.

I returned to work on Tuesday and it was hard. Setting the alarm for 5:30 A.M., getting the kids dressed, separating at daycare....all so hard. Then I get to work and I forget how much of my brain my job required. I'm an accountant, I have to think all day long, produce reports and process information all day long. It's draining. Can't I go back to the kid level again?......

So I'm struggling to get back into the groove and it's hard, but possible. So I start grooving. Grooving is second nature to me.

Thursday rolls around and it screws everything up. My boss gets let go. It's done in a bizarre fashion with security and us being hid in a meeting and everything. It is surreal. And it takes a lot to process, figuring out the plan in a state of shock, planning for the future. But the day goes on.....

Friday rolls around and not so good. I'm sad for my boss. I'm sad because I really liked her and for lots of reasons. No one is perfect but she was really great. And genuinely I would love to have this woman as my friend. So it sucked.

But tonight was awesome. We went to a friends house with another couple, kids all the same age, had great conversation and the kids had a great time. So now it's time to unwind, regroup, and live in the moment.

Although this week has been tough, it seems like a daily ritual. Unwind, regroup, and live in the moment.

Sleep Issues

Oh man. We are so tired....

Isaac has been a pretty rotten sleeper his entire life but since his accident, things have gone far south and they were kind of improving but the surgery has put us back to stage one!

After the accident, one of the first things the psychologists told us that parents came to regret were the post-accident sleep issues. Having such a traumatic incident made it easy for parents to become lax on the whole sleeping in your own bed thing with your child. Immediately after returning home, falling asleep became much worse so the neurologist prescribed melatonin - a natural aide to help kids/people calm down for a restful nights sleep. It worked to get him down easily but didn't help at all with sleeping through the night.

The rule at our house has been to always start in your own bed....and if they wake up, then fine....snuggle up. That was working alright for us we thought, but honestly we aren't getting restful nights of sleep. We work so hard to get Isaac just to fall asleep in his own bed. Like it takes an hour. We read a book then rub his back, or hold his hand or cuddle as much as we can and if he falls asleep, then great. However an hour or two later, he's up again and we put him back and try to get him to sleep and we repeat the whole rub his bad, hold his hand or cuddle thing.

Well, after the accident, things changed....obviously. Hearing Isaac cry has taken on a whole new meaning. We simply can't do it. Can't let him wail in his bedroom. We have tried everything and we do what we can to survive. The whole tough love thing just doesn't fly here anymore. Anyone ever read Baby Wise??? I did. It worked with the first, but not the second. So we adapt. We do what we feel most comfortable with.

Since the accident he definitely has not gone a full night in his own bed. And lately, Sydney's an issue too. She wakes up and comes in bed. I work full time and waking up and dealing with their sleep issues truly makes me so tired the next day. So I've been scooting over and making room in our king size bed. But it's wearing on me. There's not enough room and I know it's best for us all to get a good nights sleep in our own bed. But Isaac just will not sleep. He wakes up multiple times during the night if he's in his own bed but if he's in our bed, it's less work. Selfish...I know.

So now we're figuring out that something has to be done. What, I don't know. We have a king size bed so can't go up there, crying out just isn't an option for us. Maybe it's medical? Do they make an ambien for kids? Well we're going to have to find out for sure!! I hate to do it medically and of course we'll see what the doctors say but if anyone has any advice....I'm all ears!

Muscle Atrophy

Today was our first "normal" day with Lyndon being back to work, Sydney going to school and Isaac and I home together. It went pretty well but Isaac seems to be in a bit of pain. He has this new very sad cry that makes me want to cry. He doesn't tell me that he hurts and actually says no when I ask if he's in pain but his cry just sounds like he's so very sad - like frustrated and upset and everything wrapped into this whimper.

Tonight I'm trying to google to find out how long it takes for a muscle to die and I'm having a heck of a time! Finding the right word combo can be so frustrating. "Facial paralysis muscle atrophy", "Facial paralysis muscle died". I just want to be very prepared and educated for our post-op visit to understand everything a little bit better.

I think I may be giving up soon and heading for bed!

There's a Tear in my Beer

Pity party officially over! Isaac and I are going to have a chill day at home. Hopefully I can prevent him from hurting his fragile little cheeks. That's my job for the next two weeks!